I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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