Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
