Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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