i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
