i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
