that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
