Tell her she can't have a vagina
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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