I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
