Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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