Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to