I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.