I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.