I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
