I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
