Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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