You're my little dorito
I cockslap morals
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
