It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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