remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
