As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
