dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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