i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
