so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
