No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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