I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
