I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
