After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
