my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
