Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
