The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Two words: nipple clamps
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