dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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