he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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