I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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