She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
