being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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