At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
