It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
