Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
