i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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