I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
