WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
