I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
