he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
