I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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