I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
