he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
