I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
