I accidentally burped into my bong.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
