i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
