Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
