Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
