i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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