Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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