Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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