hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
