a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
