Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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