I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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