I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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