...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
