Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
