my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's blow job season.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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