Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
