Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
