whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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