You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
