Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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