So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
