My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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