Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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