oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
